Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. Boundaries define what is acceptable, and what is not in a relationship. It is possible to have different boundary types in different relationships.
Most people have a mix of different boundary types. For example, someone could have healthy boundaries at work, porous boundaries in romantic relationships and a mix of all three types with their family.
The 3 boundary styles and their traits
- Porous Boundaries
- Overshares personal information.
- Difficulty saying “no” to the requests of others.
- Overinvolved with others’ problems.
- Dependent on the opinions of others.
- Accepting of abuse or disrespect.
- Fears rejection if they do not comply with others.
- Healthy Boundaries
- Values their own opinions.
- Doesn’t compromise values for others.
- Shares personal information in an appropriate way (does not over or under share).
- Knows personal wants and needs and can communicate them.
- Accepting when other’s say no to them.
- Rigid Boundaries
- Avoids intimacy and close relationships.
- Unlikely to ask for help.
- Has few close relationships.
- Very protective of personal information.
- May seem detached, even with romantic partners.
- Keeps others at a distance to avoid the possibility of rejection.
Why healthy boundaries are important for mental health
Having healthy boundaries enable you to put your needs first and preserve your mental and emotional wellness.
Some ways healthy boundaries impact your mental health:
- Reduces Stress: Establishing boundaries, and prioritizing your own needs can help to diminish stress levels. Assuming ownership of your well-being safeguards against others infringing upon your mental and emotional boundaries, fostering harmony and stronger relationships.
- Boosts Self-Esteem: Communicating your boundaries clearly not only shows that you respect yourself, but it also helps you establish a sense of self-worth as you learn to honor your own needs and values. This helps you make better decisions, improves relationships, and increases your self-esteem.
- Improves Relationships: Establishing boundaries is fundamental for nurturing positive relationships. These boundaries facilitate clearer communication and set expectations for how you wish to be treated. By effectively communicating and upholding these boundaries, you guide others in understanding your preferences, fostering genuine connections.
- Protects You from Toxic People: Maintaining healthy boundaries empowers you to recognize detrimental individuals and circumstances, safeguarding your well-being. By creating distance from adverse influences, you can intentionally cultivate a circle of supportive individuals who inspire and nurture your growth.
Why you need boundaries in recovery
Establishing a boundary is similar to marking your personal domain. Here, your domain encompasses both the physical and emotional realms necessary for sustaining sobriety and fostering a sense of security and ease.
Boundaries to set in recovery
- Recovery Boundaries with Friends and Family: You might find it necessary to communicate to your friends and family that you cannot be in their presence when they consume alcohol or drugs, and that these substances cannot be brought into your home. While this boundary might evolve as you gain more confidence in your recovery journey, it’s important to openly express how they can provide support. Make it clear that they are free to engage in drinking or drug use among themselves, but you cannot be present during these occasions.
- Recovery Boundaries at Home: If you share your living space with a roommate, partner, or spouse, it’s important to have open discussions with them about what contributes to your sense of safety and well-being at home. This could involve mutually agreeing to keep substances out of the home, establishing designated personal spaces and times, or setting firm boundaries such as reserving a specific time each week for your recovery meeting.
- Set Boundaries with Yourself: Ultimately, you cannot dictate the actions of others. If individuals consistently disregard your boundaries, it may be necessary to create distance from them, even if it entails seeking alternative employment or finding your own living arrangement. However, you do have agency over your own conduct and mindset. Consider what you require from yourself, once you’ve identified your needs, you can silently establish your internal boundaries.
Understanding our boundary styles, how they can impact our mental health, and why they’re so important for recovery can foster more success in our relationships with others, ourselves, work, and home life.
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